


Status update

by scintilla10



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Banter, Early Season 4, Early relationship banter, Flirting, M/M, Missing Scene, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 18:45:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17688875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scintilla10/pseuds/scintilla10
Summary: “So,” Patrick says, when there’s a quiet moment in the store. “You’re not on Facebook, huh?”“Okay, ew,” David says, offended.





	Status update

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fmnds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fmnds/gifts).



> A missing scene set in season 4, written in early season 5 (and subsequently jossed).

“So,” Patrick says, when there’s a quiet moment in the store. “You’re not on Facebook, huh?”

“Okay, ew,” David says, offended. He hasn’t been on Facebook since he discovered filters on Instagram.

“No?”

“That would be a god no.” David pauses, and thinks for a moment. “Well, um. Unless that one fan page is still active.”

“Right,” Patrick says.

He subsides and starts carefully setting out jars of artisanal balsamic fig jam on the shelf.

David stares at him, and tries to imagine what horrific thing could have happened to make Patrick be so weird about Facebook. A seemingly endless amount of time passes, and Patrick still doesn't look at him.

“Okay, this is interminable!” David announces. “What happened on Facebook?" He winces as a thought strikes him. "It’s not photos of my mother again, is it?”

He does not want to relive that trauma.

Patrick shakes his head. “No, nothing like that.” 

He ducks his head, his face a little pink. David is honestly insulted by how effective the whole shy look is on David. They’ve only just said the word _boyfriend_ to each other, and Patrick has absolutely no right to go around being so cute and devastating.

Frankly, it's embarrassing.

Patrick glances at him, then away again.

“Okay, what is it, then?” David says, impatient.

“I was just going to, you know.” Patrick pauses and then adds, quickly, almost a mumble, “Changemyrelationshipstatus.”

David raises his eyebrows. “Um, I'm sorry. Are you telling me that you still have Facebook?” Patrick shrugs at him, and David adds, “Of course you have Facebook, you’re extremely straight ed —“ He stops. “Did you just say the words _relationship status_?”

“Extremely straight?” Patrick repeats, the corners of his mouth quirking. “I beg to differ.”

He steps toward David in a way that David can only think to describe as _stalking_. It's very -- commanding.

"Um," David manages.

Patrick stops in front of him and strokes his hand down David’s arm in a way that makes him wish it weren’t 2:30 on a Tuesday afternoon and they weren't in their place of work.

“I meant,” David says, a little breathlessly, “straight edge. Like, you give off a very square aura.”

“Uh-huh,” Patrick says. He meets David's gaze and licks his lips.

It's very warm in the store. David picks up one of the hand-stenciled cloth napkins and fans himself.

“It’s just," he says. "It's just that _Facebook_ is the social media platform that _Ray_ uses.” 

Patrick grins at him, his eyes twinkling. How did David ever think he was shy? 

“I also have a Reddit account,” he puts in, which would basically be grounds for David to break up with him if he didn't like him so much.

“Oh my god, stop talking,” he says, and kisses Patrick's stupid, straight edge mouth. He's laughing a little into David's kiss, but he's kissing back and _with tongue_ , and David wants to stay there kissing him forever. He smells like his terrible drugstore soap, but his skin, when David runs his fingers delicately along Patrick's cheek, is unfairly soft. Patrick tilts his head and makes a small sound in David's mouth. It's not cute at all, and David loves it. He doesn't even tell Patrick to stop when he fists his hand in David's cashmere sweater and wrinkles the fabric.

"Okay," David says, pulling back from Patrick's mouth. "We still have to talk about this."

"Yeah?" Patrick says.

David glares at him. "Facebook and Reddit are your social media platforms of choice?"

Patrick grins and kisses him again. "I changed it already," he says.

"Uh-huh." David eyes him.

Patrick reaches out and rubs his thumb gently across David's bottom lip. David almost melts from how hot it is. 

"The status, I mean," Patrick says.

"Uh-huh," David says again. He wonders, not for the first time, if he can convince Patrick to come back to the motel after work so David can go down on him. He'll have to convince Alexis to cover for him during dinner so they'll have the place to themselves. It would one hundred percent be worth whatever price she'd exact.

"It really threw me a curve ball," Patrick is saying.

David groans, and drops his head onto Patrick's shoulder. "Okay, you know I'm not going to understand your little football sayings."

"Oops," Patrick says, but he's grinning unrepentantly, and his tongue peeks out of the corner of his mouth in a very distracting way.

"All right," David says loudly. "All right. I think we've veered away from the fact that you were practically proposing to me on antique social media platforms?"

Patrick flushes, but he cocks his head. "Proposes is a strong word, David."

"Okay, fine!" David says. "Fine! I cave. Tell me! Tell me what your new Facebook status says!"

"I don't know. It might be too straight edge for you," Patrick says, giving him a wide-eyed look.

The doorbell rings and two customers step inside.

Patrick looks at him innocently.

"Mmkay, this is not happening," David announces.

"Wait until you see the photo I chose for my profile pic," Patrick adds in an undertone.

David is stricken by the thought of what aesthetic landmines lie in Patrick's selfie collection. God love him, the man does not understand proper lighting or basic composition.

Patrick gives him another devastating smile, cheeks still a little pink. "We're Facebook official," he says.

He immediately steps away to help the customers, and David leans weakly against the display cabinet. This whole afternoon has taken several rapid turns, and he's honestly a little lightheaded.

 _Facebook official._ He watches Patrick cheerfully discuss goat cheese, and can't help thinking of the straight edge friends and family on Patrick's Facebook who will have seen that status update. Who will have seen David's name in black and white, linked with Patrick's. Officially linked. And okay, it's Facebook, and it's corny, but it's also -- not a small thing.

He lingers at the back until the customers leave. 

Patrick turns to him, lip caught between his teeth. 

"Upon consideration," David says, "I've decided to allow it."

He can't stop the corner of his mouth pulling up into a smile, and Patrick looks like he's trying to contain a grin himself.

"You will, huh?" he says.

"But we're going to work on your profile pics," David warns.

"Oh, sure," Patrick says, nodding wisely. "I look forward to learning from the master."

"Oh, that's Alexis," David admits, "but don't tell her." He gives a casual shrug. "I mean. I do okay."

He tugs Patrick close, smiling at him.

"Oh, I bet you do," Patrick says and kisses him again.


End file.
